I Can't Get No Satisfaction

There are days...or rather, I suppose saying that there are nights would be closer, as this only happens at night. Alright, let's start over.

There are nights when I feel so unsatisfied. With what, I honestly can't tell. Is it that I'm not satisfied with the day itself? Sometimes I don't feel like I've done enough. I'm suspecting that that has something to do with why I have a tendency to stay up late-- some desire to get something done, something to where I can stretch out and say, "all right, let's call it a day." and turn in. Productivity right? I guess so, but I think it runs deeper than just that.

There satisfied with my life. And then there's satisfied with myself. I can't really say that I possess either. I mean, I'm content, in the sense that I know what I have-- I have a pretty blessed life, and a pretty good self. I mean, Things just come to me, academically at least. The ideas and concepts that people have to struggle for, the depth of analyses that others aren't able to do, I can do quickly and easily. I guess that makes me a little gifted in the academic sense. Then there's my life. Parents that love me, despite a fairly rocky and latchkey childhood, parents that won't push me to do things (most the push is from myself) . I guess I could do worse in America.

But I have this very deep feeling of dissatisfaction, and I can't quite place it. Maybe it's a combination of all three, plus this tendency of mine to not get tired too easily. Then again, I guess that could be because I don't DO very much. Maybe. Alright, how about this Chris, you'll wake up early tomorrow (I'll arrange it) and let's do a lot, and we'll see where it takes you with this dissatisfaction.

Deal?

Deal.