To Far Away Times

I'm a main character type of guy. I always have been. There are people, like my brother, who often identify more with the secondary characters, but I've always identified with main characters the most. It's strange, because in all styles, I'm support-- I'm never the front and center. But when it comes to personality and character, I've always identified most with the main. I guess that says something about me that I haven't quite figured out.

I like being in the center, in the spotlight, in the zone, under pressure and under scrutiny.

I like being in charge, in command and looked up to.

Sometimes I wonder and wish that life were like a video game-- I'm extraordinarily good at staying alive, and I could just go off and be a hero in some other world where I had these unusual powers.

But then the quest ends, or the song hits repeat, or the credits close, and I'm back here, in my seat, typing things on a keyboard being the same old non-main character, relatively boring Chris. And I sigh.

Some days I'm so convinced of my superiority it bothers me-- I should have more humility. But when the pride is based on objective observation, it's hard to put on anything more than a veneer of false humility.

But other days I'm scared that I'm not all as unique as I've made myself believe. Those days I feel insignificant, and maybe I should be. Maybe I'm not as smart, not as rare, not as unusual as I've taught myself to believe. Then I feel a bit of motivation to go out and be that person.

But then I always end up dreaming again, to be that main character, that hero in Far Away Times...